Frat

The topic of the week has been fraternization in the Navy. I just got done with a week-long Division Officer Leadership course, which was awfully compressed considering the breadth of the information they tried to teach, and a few months late-- should be taught before divos report to their first ship. Not to mention the 13 LDOs (Limited Duty Officers-- got commissioned after making at least Chief Petty Officer in the enlisted ranks, and are restricted to officer billets in their field of expertise) and Warrant Officers for whom the course was not intended. Well, one of the topics that came up a few times during the course was fraternization, and as usual, we talked about the fine line and how to avoid crossing it, mainly by telling sea stories and analyzing case studies where someone did cross the line. I get it, and I think we all do. But all the talk did make me feel like I've been walking the line more than I used to think. I don't fraternize by definition, but just on the ship on a daily basis, I'm very friendly to everyone onboard, which usually comes out when say "what's up" instead of "Good morning, seaman shmuckatelli" and when, playing softball in our interdepartmental Captain's Cup, I call two petty officers pussies for being lame for something or another. Now I thought that was fine, and just friendly, but the pussy comment got me reprimanded by one Mark Fosdick (my fellow Ensign friend, who is pretty by-the-book about stuff like this though he tries to be a jerk most of the time as well) for being both "un-officer like and un-ladylike". OK, fair enough. But I am a sailor, so if that is how I can relate to these guys, then isn't it ok? As a female, I'm not offended when people use the word "pussy" to mean wimp or wuss, so can't I use it? Anyway, as I write this I realize this issue is more about professionalism vice fraternization so I'll get back on topic. And, for the record, I'm very professional when I have to be. (I just keep telling myself this and maybe it will come true!)

So, frat. Well, as I enjoyed my lunch at Hooters with all the guys from my Divo Leadership class on Friday afternoon, we got talking about military relationships. I mentioned that I didn't think I'd end up with someone in the military because I didn't want to be a military wife, missing my husband for months at a time. A couple of the guys joked that because I didn't want to marry a military man, I probably would. OK, fine, it's far enough in the future I'm really not too worried. Well one classmate, the one out of the whole class who I didn't really like, asks if I've been on a deployment yet (no) and says just wait, I am bound to hook up with someone from my ship on deployment. Now I don't really know how he meant this comment, but I certainly took it to mean he didn't think I would uphold Navy standards or my own personal values. Thanks a lot, jackass. Yes, if I weren't an officer in the Navy, I would probably find a lot of the guys I work with attractive and worth dating (and more of those are enlisted than officer simply because of the larger proportion of enlisted). But I'm pretty sure I'm a moral person who won't do that. And the fact that the Navy and my ship don't allow it will only help me live up to that. And for the record, I will do just fine without getting any for a 6 month deployment.

I have a friend on my ship who's prior enlisted and very friendly in the same way I am, where he is legitimately interested in his sailors' lives and thinks they're cool people. And he is the kind of junior officer who, when he runs into enlisted guys from the ship out in town, buys them a round and hangs out for a while instead of running in the opposite direction for fear they will be seen in the same bar. And just from this description, and from knowing this guy, it is easy to decide to be his type and not the latter type of JO. This weekend, I ended up hanging out with him and a couple of "E dawgs", and it did get sort of awkward. But we ended up at this bar with several newly-pinned SEALs, and I happened to run into a guy from ROTC who graduated Harvard a year before me. That was pretty cool. And it made me realize, hey, this is a group of officers and enlisted hanging out together and it's OK because we have a joint purpose to be here, since the SEALs are combined officer/enlisted. But, looking back, I think I should have turned and gone the other way with my other officer friends, even if that meant being lame and going back to the ship at like 11 o'clock. And that fine line in this case, I have realized, is that I'm a girl. And since the majority of enlisted sailors are male, whether or not I am hot as hell, if they see how cool I am (yes I'm being facetious) they will want to get in my pants. Particularly since I outrank them, and as we all know, "There is nothing on this earth sexier than a woman you have to salute." But... in the end it sucks, because it means just because I'm a female, I can't get away with being a little bit social with enlisted guys when my male counterparts can.